I have been off the yoga teaching grid for a bit. My time at the Nu Movement Coop did not produce enough interest for me to do more than break even on the cost to rent the space. In all honesty, I lost money. I stuck with it for almost year like i said I would. In the end, no one was showing up but me.

I also taught for Inward Office and was told mid way through an 8 week session that students were complaining (legitimate complaints) and it was best to sub out the rest of the sessions to salvage the account.

Failure. Responsibility. Doubt. Worthiness. All of this came into play for me. It’s been months of working through and I’m still not through.

Most of this was due to my own lack of presence, preparation and planning. No guidelines. Why was I doing it like this?

I really dislike the idea of teaching yoga, unless it’s a foundations class where I am actually teaching postures. Still, I like to think of it as guiding a whole experience. Not just a physical experience that is hard and then a blissful shivasana. However, this is what people want. If you want people to show up you have to give them what they want right, or they don’t come back. Hence, my experience.

So, how do I integrate the whole experience - embodying presence with physical movements and breath within direct experience?

By bringing more of my presence into facilitating. I live my life this way, so stepping into a role to hold space and facilitate others doing this work is inorganic and detracts from the process. My practice must come first.

Accountability is hard. Self mentoring is hard. Taking responsibility is hard. Trusting the process is hard. Showing up is hard. Believing in yourself after failing 2 times at the same thing is hard.

And I’m still here, doing hard things.